For reasons that are inexplicable to me, about 98.7% of the recipes I cook with involve onions. This is fine because onions are inexpensive and I’ve managed to convince myself that if an onion is in a meal, we are eating a vegetable (please let me have this one). It works out well for everyone.
Except there’s one little problem. Onions make me cry.
I’m not talking a few little tears. I’m talking full on floods coming out of my eyes, the kind akin to hysterical sobs. Sometimes it’s so bad, I can’t even be on the same floor as the kitchen; I need to outside to the deck or upstairs to our bedroom to shield my eyes from the horrible blinding onion fire. When I do need to leave the kitchen, it’s a kind of obstacle course to get out of there safely thanks to my temporary blindness, small dogs who live at my feet and the knife that I usually forget to put down. It’s a good time, really.
Short of not cooking with onions, there is nothing I can do about the situation. I’ve tried everything short of wearing complete snorkeling regalia. I hate admitting defeat, especially to something so small but usually, I wind up having to ask my husband to chop the onions for me. Which brings me to my point.
I’m jealous of people who can cut onions without crying. Or going temporarily blind. Or both. It must be such a joy to cut open an onion and go to work on it like a cucumber or tomato. It must be nice to not fear for your safety (and the safety of those around you) when you make that first slice. It must be pleasant to look at an onion without wondering what torturous punishment you’re in for. Because I long for the day when I don’t weep at the sight of that tiny little vegetable.
So, if you can cut an onion without crying, will you share your secrets? Please?