People who are funny on Twitter

Twitter is perfect for people like me. I make observations. Lots of observations. In fact, a good friend of mine once told me that I need to write a book titled “You Know What I’ve Noticed” because that’s pretty much how I start off most of my sentences. And, thanks to Twitter, I can unleash those observations on the world. Provided they’re short. Which is way more difficult for a verbose person like me than you would expect.

Here’s an example of my finest (not sent from the official Jealousy Files Twitter handle. That one is still in development):

Pretty hilarious stuff, right? It took me at least 5 minutes to edit it down to that one sentence.

I think that when you sign up for Twitter, there should be a questionnaire that you fill out and your answers will determine how many characters you get to make your statements. Not everyone needs the same amount. To help create balance, I think that there should be a character sharing program where those who need less can donate to those who need more. You can sign up to be a donor or a receiver. Or maybe you could deposit your unused characters into a bank that you can withdraw on later when you need it. I totally think the head honchos at Twitter would go for those ideas. No? Well, then I guess I’ll just have to settle for being jealous of people who can be funny and entertaining in 140 characters.

You know the ones. Everything they say is witty and clever and totally awesome and make you wish you were that witty and clever. They have mastered the art of short, pithy statements. They’re the ones who have 18000000 followers and get featured on The Huffington Post’s “people to follow on Twitter” and  Late Night With Jimmy Fallon and all that other cool stuff.

But mainly I’m jealous of them because they have figured out a way to be funny in 140 characters or less. Which, sadly, I cannot. I need at least 279.


4 responses to “People who are funny on Twitter

  1. I couldn’t agree more!! Apparently, I have issues with brevity. Text messages to friends? Mine are grammatically correct. Voicemail message saying absolutely nothing of importance? 10 minutes worth of hilarity for the receiver. Anyway, let me know when you get this passed so I can apply for the long-winded version of twitter. We could call it squawker! Or bird in heat! Or something not nearly as adorable as a little tweeting bird.

    BTW, I followed and subscribed! Success!

  2. LOL. I totally agree. I try so hard to be funny on Twitter, and succeed very little.

  3. I am jealous of those who know how to use twitter really well. I am still trying to learn how to use it. I feel like a grandpa with my first computer. Geez im only 29 and I cant seem to figure it out!

  4. I suffer from delayed wit! Give me about two weeks and I can respond with something witty. I don’t even try on twitter it is hard enough coming up with blog post titles!

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