Twitter is perfect for people like me. I make observations. Lots of observations. In fact, a good friend of mine once told me that I need to write a book titled “You Know What I’ve Noticed” because that’s pretty much how I start off most of my sentences. And, thanks to Twitter, I can unleash those observations on the world. Provided they’re short. Which is way more difficult for a verbose person like me than you would expect.
Here’s an example of my finest (not sent from the official Jealousy Files Twitter handle. That one is still in development):
I think I trust my husband more to load a gun than I do our dishwasher.
— Jana(@dailymoneypf) March 20, 2012
Pretty hilarious stuff, right? It took me at least 5 minutes to edit it down to that one sentence.
I think that when you sign up for Twitter, there should be a questionnaire that you fill out and your answers will determine how many characters you get to make your statements. Not everyone needs the same amount. To help create balance, I think that there should be a character sharing program where those who need less can donate to those who need more. You can sign up to be a donor or a receiver. Or maybe you could deposit your unused characters into a bank that you can withdraw on later when you need it. I totally think the head honchos at Twitter would go for those ideas. No? Well, then I guess I’ll just have to settle for being jealous of people who can be funny and entertaining in 140 characters.
You know the ones. Everything they say is witty and clever and totally awesome and make you wish you were that witty and clever. They have mastered the art of short, pithy statements. They’re the ones who have 18000000 followers and get featured on The Huffington Post’s “people to follow on Twitter” and Late Night With Jimmy Fallon and all that other cool stuff.
But mainly I’m jealous of them because they have figured out a way to be funny in 140 characters or less. Which, sadly, I cannot. I need at least 279.