My house is a mess.
Not a mess in the hoarders or CPS is going to come and take my child away because it’s completely uninhabitable sense but a mess enough for me to know that I really, really need to clean it. But I don’t want to. Because I hate cleaning.
I get absolutely no enjoyment out of vacuuming (even though I have a Dyson, which kicks ass!). Sweeping? I don’t even know where the broom is. Dusting is a bigger pain than vacuuming (I’m too short to reach most places and besides, who looks up there anyway?). Picking up toys is a waste of time because they just wind up back on the floor anyway. Mail multiplies like Gremlins fed after midnight. And I don’t clean the bathroom on principle (my husband cleans it. I’ll tell you the story some day if you want). Actually, the only room I clean daily is my kitchen. Dirty dishes and all of that make me kind of nauseaus and bring bugs and I hate bugs more than I hate cleaning.
I’m not really sure why I hate cleaning. It may be because I’m not good at it (yes, it is possible to be bad at cleaning. It’s difficult to achieve, but entirely possible). It may be because I grew up in a house that was immaculate and never really looked lived in and I don’t want my house to look like that. It may be because I’m lazy. Perhaps it’s because I just think I can use my time for things that are more fun than actually cleaning (like writing about why I hate to do it). Maybe it’s a combination of some or all of these factors. All I know is that I hate to do and I’m really jealous of people who either like to do it or pretend they like to do it enough that whenver I walk into their homes, their homes looks beautiful. And sparkly, shiny clean.
You know these people. You’re probably friends with some of them. The people who say “cleaning relaxes me”. The people who have homes that are so damn clean you don’t want to walk on the floor for fear of making it dirty. The homes where you know the 5 second rule can turn into the 5 minute rule and no hair, dust or anything else unsavory would attract to your food. The homes that make you say to yourself “You know, I’m really going to start cleaning my house just as soon as we get home” (is shame not the best motivator?).
I wonder how you get into this secret club of people who enjoy cleaning their house (do you have to get voted in? Do you apply for membership? Do they give you a test, like at the DMV?). Even if they won’t let me in, and, judging by the state of my house, they most certainly would not, I’d really like to know their secrets. Because for me to enjoy cleaning, I’d need to drink a lot of beer. And I’m pretty sure that would make a bigger mess.