People Who Live in Clean Houses

This car is speaking on behalf of my house.

My house is a mess.

Not a mess in the hoarders or CPS is going to come and take my child away because it’s completely uninhabitable sense but a mess enough for me to know that I really, really need to clean it. But I don’t want to.  Because I hate cleaning.

I get absolutely no enjoyment out of vacuuming (even though I have a Dyson, which kicks ass!). Sweeping? I don’t even know where the broom is. Dusting is a bigger pain than vacuuming (I’m too short to reach most places and besides, who looks up there anyway?). Picking up toys is a waste of time because they just wind up back on the floor anyway. Mail multiplies like Gremlins fed after midnight.  And I don’t clean the bathroom on principle (my husband cleans it. I’ll tell you the story some day if you want). Actually, the only room I clean daily is my kitchen. Dirty dishes and all of that make me kind of nauseaus and bring bugs and I hate bugs more than I hate cleaning.

I’m not really sure why I hate cleaning. It may be because I’m not good at it (yes, it is possible to be bad at cleaning. It’s difficult to achieve, but entirely possible). It may be because I grew up in a house that was immaculate and never really looked lived in and I don’t want my house to look like that. It may be because I’m lazy. Perhaps it’s because I just think I can use my time for things that are more fun than actually cleaning (like writing about why I hate to do it). Maybe it’s a combination of some or all of these factors. All I know is that I hate to do and I’m really jealous of people who either like to do it or pretend they like to do it enough that whenver I walk into their homes, their homes looks beautiful. And sparkly, shiny clean.

You know these people. You’re probably friends with some of them. The people who say “cleaning relaxes me”.  The people who have homes that are so damn clean you don’t want to walk on the floor for fear of making it dirty. The homes where you know the 5 second rule can turn into the 5 minute rule and no hair, dust or anything else unsavory would attract to your food. The homes that make you say to yourself “You know, I’m really going to start cleaning my house just as soon as we get home” (is shame not the best motivator?).

I wonder how you get into this secret club of people who enjoy cleaning their house (do you have to get voted in? Do you apply for membership? Do they give you a test, like at the DMV?). Even if they won’t let me in, and, judging by the state of my house, they most certainly would not, I’d really like to know their secrets. Because for me to enjoy cleaning, I’d need to drink a lot of beer. And I’m pretty sure that would make a bigger mess.

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14 responses to “People Who Live in Clean Houses

  1. “Mail multiplies like Gremlins fed after midnight”. Ha, ha, ha…. Isn’t that so true!
    Immaculate homes where you feel like you need to hover over the carpet so you don’t mess up its newly vacuumed awesomeness…is…to put it succinctly…highly annoying. Carpet is meant to be walked on, people! 🙂

  2. Oh, clean houses. I wish I lived in one. Mine has things strewn every which way. Sometimes, we get our act together and clean it, but even that is rare.

    • Sometimes, our version of cleaning it is pile all the papers together and throw them in a closet. Though we do attempt to clean the bathrooms before company (read: our parents) come over. The last thing I need is another disapproving look from a parent.

  3. First of all, loving the site so far!!! Secondly, you’re going to hate me. We have a cleaning crew that comes every 2 weeks and cleans our entire house including the kitchen and bathrooms…dont’ be jealous! 🙂

  4. Our house is a land mine of childrens toys….not fun walking through after you have shut a light off…those little toys always seem to find their way under your foot….

  5. I’m one of those people who has a clean house, but I have a semi-mild case of OCD. If my home is out of order, my whole life feels out of order. Anytime I go to any of my siblings houses, I start cleaning too. Some people eat when they’re stressed, and I clean. Everyone has their own coping mechanism, organizing and cleaning is mine.

    The funny thing is, I wish I had a house that was more “lived in”, like you and my sisters do. They have children, husbands and families. I have a clean house, with no pets or kids because I’m too afraid they will create chaos. So you are jealous of my clean house, and I envy your not so clean but memory filled house.

  6. I have lots of clean-freak friends. Whenever they come over, I do my best to make my house sparkle. A few weeks ago, we had some of these friends over and our house was a disaster!! We didn’t have time to make it look perfect, so we threw a bunch of laundry and stuff into our master bedroom and closed the door. Great idea, right? Well, until my friends’ 2-year-old ventured into the unknown and had to be rescued by his dad. He came out of our bedroom and exclaimed “I see you guys do exactly what we do and throw your laundry in your room when company comes over?!” He had the biggest grin on his face, too! I was laughing on the outside, but dying a little on the inside! Seriously hope he didn’t pay attention to any of the laundry….friends seeing friends’ underwear and such is just too weird! Anyway, this whole time, we thought they were perfectly clean at all times, and maybe they were thinking the same thing about us??
    -Michelle

  7. My sister has one of those clean houses. Everything is always immaculate. I often think, hey, I could be one of those people too. But then I realize I’d have to, like, clean all the time to have an immaculate house. Especially since I live with boys (WHY ARE BOYS SO DIRTY??!!!).

  8. I love the concept of the blog! I hate neat people in general. Please just let me hire a housekeeper!

  9. Our house is a mess right now.

    I don’t clean. I agree with you, people can be bad at cleaning. I’m horrible at it. My bf doesn’t let me clean because he always tells me that I suck at it.

    Oh well… It gets me out of cleaning.

  10. I am not a neat person. My mother is. While I do clean my house before my mother comes to visit (in that I’ll steam clean carpets in the living room and make sure you can walk around the bed in the guest room), she also plans on spending part of her “vacation” visiting me cleaning. She does the things I’d never do, like vacuum the coils of the refrigerator. And then, she goes out and prunes the bushes in the yard, weeds the side of the driveway, etc. It makes her happy (this makes no sense to me what so ever) so I try not to argue much.
    I do try to take her on at least one, touristy adventure while she’s here. But she honestly does enjoy cleaning my house and my yard (and guilting me in to helping her).

  11. Pingback: What I’m Reading: Side Project Edition | The Dog Ate My Wallet

  12. I often say if a someone tried to rob our house they would think someone just beat them to it! I keep saying when all the kids are in school all day I will get it together but since that is in the fall I’m sure I am setting myself up for failure.

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